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Q: Needs Help for Bipolar Son Who Used Meth
Hi, my son is BiPolar, and has struggled with this (at least I think)
since the age of 3. Originally they diagnosed him with ADHD, but I always knew
there was more to it. When he was born he would scream bloody murder 24/7, and
there was nothing that we could do for him, and the doctors could not find a
reason either. At the age of 3 he started banging his head on the wall, and
after that he's gone from one institute to another. He was finally diagnosed
with BP at the age of 13.
He's now 19 years old, and about 3 years ago, things started getting really
rough. He started shooting up Crystal Meth, and was in trouble with the law,
and tried to commit suicide. Which he has tried twice in the last year and a
half. About a year ago I got him into a great rehab program, but he was kicked
out of there, which isn't uncommon for him. He will not listen to authority.
He is very defiant, and can be aggressive, and many other things that he
struggles with, but yet he is a sweetheart, and has a HUGE heart.
He lived with us last year, and for a while it went well, and then everything
fell apart, and he started using again here and there. I found him an
apartment finally, and he had a good job, and he was taking Lamictal, and things
were (what I thought) going well. For the last month now he has been smoking
Meth night and day. For the last 14 days, he's had no sleep, and for the last 8
days he's only eaten a candy bar here and there. Last Friday he finally
crumbled, and called me crying, and said that he can't do this anymore or he
will kill himself. (oh yeah the doc at the hospital mentioned that he's
surprised that he didn't already have a heart attack, because his heart is in
bad shape from doing the Meth (they did an EKG))
He was very close to a hospital (about 8 blocks away) and I suggested for him to
go and check himself into the emergency room there. He did that, and they sent
him to a Neuropsychological center (where he has now been a total of 6 times,
starting at the age of 6). He is now detoxing, and looking very skinny. It
absolutely breaks my heart, and I'm having a tough time coping, but am strong,
and as usual will go on, because I have other kids, and I always want to be
there for him. I am trying to get him on Medicaid Disability, but from what the
social worker at the hospital tells me, they will most likely not accept him,
and look at this as the drugs is what started all his problems.
Well duh! The bipolar came first, and I know that it
is very common for people with BP to start using drugs to self-medicate. My
insurance (which he will covered under until he is 25) will only pay for 7 days
inpatient, and then after that he's up a creek without a paddle unless he gets
qualified for Medicaid. I know that if he doesn't go to rehab after detox, that
he probably won't have a chance. He has burned through all the family, and
cannot come back to live with me, because I have other children at home that I
need to take care of, and I won't have drugs in my house, or like last time when
he lived with us, and everyone had to tip toe around him, because their scared
of him when he's coming down of Meth.
I am completely out of ideas, and scared, and don't know how to help anymore?
What do you do when you absolutely need treatment, but cannot afford it? I know
that there is a rehab through the county that's free, but there is a huge
waiting list. My son said that if there is nowhere to go, then he will kill
himself. Please advise, or give me ideas. I love him with all my heart.
Thanks.
Dear Annette --
Is there a chapter of Al-Anon (a branch of Alcoholics Anonymous, which
also has a branch called Narcotics Anonymous) in your area? You need some good
help for you, as you'll need to be at your best to help him when/if the right
channels open. You might also look for a local chapter of the National Alliance
for the Mentally Ill, who have a lot of experience with people falling through
cracks in the system. And there's always the Depression and Manic Depression
Support Alliance (www.dbsalliance.org). You see, you'll need help knowing when
to help him (and how, if there is a way) and when to let him struggle -- as if
you always help him, no matter what, then he will not have to face the
consequences of his actions and not be able to learn from them. That old
message: bet you've heard that one plenty. It must be very difficult to have to
tell him he's not coming back to the house, for example. But that's an
important starting place. Meth is a huge problem, and if there is anything you
can do to help him get away from it (including refusing to shelter him when he's
using it; watch out for your valuables and cash and such), that's an important
start for his problem. The NAMI folks might know who to turn to in your mental
health care system to help get someone working on his bipolar disorder
aggressively in the hopes that if it is better controlled, his meth' use might
go down. Good luck to you.
Dr. Phelps
Published August, 2005
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